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Funny Borowitz Report Today

I regularly enjoy reading The Borowitz Report, even if it's not hilarious enough to repost most of the time. But today's is.

Bush Refuses to Set Timetable for Reading Study Group Report

Finishing Report Would Send ‘Wrong Message’ to Enemies, President Says

In a press conference at the White House today, President George W. Bush flatly refused to set a timetable for reading the Iraq Study Group’s report, telling reporters that doing so “would send the wrong message to our enemies.”

When the Study Group issued its report last week, many in Washington assumed that the president would move the book to the top of his reading list, but today’s press conference left little doubt that Mr. Bush has no intention of being pressured into finishing the 160-page volume.

“If I were to announce that I planned to finish reading this book by summer of ’07, or early ’08, or some other artificial deadline, that would be giving our enemies exactly what they want,” Mr. Bush told reporters. “And so I am going to stay the course and finish the book I am currently reading: ‘Marley & Me: Life and Love with the World’s Worst Dog.’”

According to Professor Davis Logsdon, who teaches a course in the president’s reading habits at the University of Minnesota, anyone who expects Mr. Bush to finish reading the Iraq Study Group’s report any time soon will be “sorely disappointed.”

“When President Bush says he’s going to take his time reading something, he means it,” Dr. Logsdon said. “Remember how long it took him to finish ‘My Pet Goat.’”

Elsewhere, Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio) said he had decided to run for president again in 2008 after being urged to do so by both David Letterman and Jay Leno.


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 13th, 2006 06:35 pm (UTC)
What's funny about it, the stuff they talk about or... Well, what do ya think of it?
Dec. 13th, 2006 06:39 pm (UTC)
I just enjoy well-written satire. I have to be in the mood for it, but when I am, it's funnier than The Onion to me, which is just straight up absurdity.
Dec. 13th, 2006 06:47 pm (UTC)
I see,i wasn't sure if it was satire or not.. Hey, It's believble. I'll try to look at it.
Dec. 13th, 2006 07:09 pm (UTC)
Well, the quotations are almost exactly what he said about making a timetable for the war. "stay the course," "giving our enemies exactly what they want," etc.
Dec. 13th, 2006 07:18 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I can actually see it :). I was just struggling to look for something to make it clear that everything on that webpage was fictional.

For a moment i really thought it was real news.. though all my other sources didn't even mention that.
Dec. 13th, 2006 07:21 pm (UTC)
Andy Borowitz is a really good writer.
Dec. 13th, 2006 07:23 pm (UTC)
Yes he is, he writes just like a reporter. Maybe tha's what threw me off. You have any other places you go to. I mostly stay on crooksandliar.com It's kind of funny watching people make fiasco durign this great tradegy of our nation, like airplanes crashing into 3 different buildings and our troops... attacking the wrong place.
Dec. 13th, 2006 08:46 pm (UTC)
Wow I'm really glad that's satire because I thought it was real.

Unfortunately it's not tooooo far from the truth.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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