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Weirdest Bible Story Ever

It's in Numbers 22:
That night God came to Balaam and said to him,
"If these men have come to summon you, you may go with them; yet only on the condition that you do exactly as I tell you."

So the next morning when Balaam arose, he saddled his ass, and went off with the princes of Moab. But now the anger of God flared up at him for going, and the angel of the Lord stationed himself on the road to hinder him as he was riding along on his ass, accompanied by two of his servants.

When the ass saw the angel of the Lord standing on the road with sword drawn, she turned off the road and went into the field, and Balaam had to beat her to bring her back on the road. Then the angel of the Lord took his stand in a narrow lane between vineyards with a stone wall on each side.

When the ass saw the angel of the Lord there, she shrank against the wall; and since she squeezed Balaam's leg against it, he beat her again. The angel of the Lord then went ahead, and stopped next in a passage so narrow that there was no room to move either to the right or to the left.

When the ass saw the angel of the Lord there, she cowered under Balaam. So, in anger, he again beat the ass with his stick.

But now the Lord opened the mouth of the ass, and she asked Balaam,
"What have I done to you that you should beat me these three times?"
"You have acted so willfully against me," said Balaam to the ass, "that if I but had a sword at hand, I would kill you here and now."

But the ass said to Balaam,
"Am I not your own beast, and have you not always ridden upon me until now? Have I been in the habit of treating you this way before?"
"No," replied Balaam.

Then the Lord removed the veil from Balaam's eyes, so that he too saw the angel of the Lord standing on the road with sword drawn; and he fell on his knees and bowed to the ground. But the angel of the LORD said to him,
"Why have you beaten your ass these three times? It is I who have come armed to hinder you because this rash journey of yours is directly opposed to me. When the ass saw me, she turned away from me these three times. If she had not turned away from me, I would have killed you; her I would have spared."

Then Balaam said to the angel of the Lord,
"I have sinned. Yet I did not know that you stood against me to oppose my journey. Since it has displeased you, I will go back home." But the angel of the Lord said to Balaam,
"Go with the men; but you may say only what I tell you." So Balaam went on with the princes of Balak.



( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 29th, 2008 10:18 pm (UTC)
they were on drugs when they wrote this
Aug. 30th, 2008 12:44 am (UTC)
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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